Breathe No More
by collarsscarsandbracelets
Summary: "He had been so full of life that to see him dead tore the heart that Tsume had begun to doubt he possessed clear in two." Set during episodes 29-30; SPOILERS. Previously posted under my old account.


Title: Breathe No More

Summary: "He had been so full of life that to see him dead tore the heart that Tsume had begun to doubt he possessed clear in two."

Music: _Like You, Breathe No More, Missing, The Only One_—Evanescence

Disclaimer: I don't own Wolf's Rain!

**A/N: Set during episodes 29 ("High Tide, High Time") and 30 ("Wolf's Rain"), with a mini-flashback to episode 4 ("Scars In The Wasteland"). Major spoilers!**

**If this story seems familiar to anyone, it's because I had it on my old account for a long time. Even if the plot isn't original, the writing is 100% mine.**

**Wolf's Rain was the first story to actually make me cry since the ending of Harry Potter. Toboe's and Tsume's deaths always hit me hardest when I watch the ending, and eyewitnesses will inform you that I start crying like a baby. **

**As always, reviews are very much appreciated :)**

* * *

_Breathe No More_

"He didn't suffer."

That's what Tsume told himself after Gehl died. Against his better judgment, he had allowed himself to reflect—_not_ grieve; Tsume would never allow himself to _grieve _over a human—on the boy's death. It hadn't been for long, either. These things were best not dwelled on.

"He didn't suffer."

He'd known it was true. Gehl had probably been too high on adrenaline and fear to feel any pain. And anyway, the world was better off without him. He had been nothing but a stupid kid, and those are better dead anyway.

_Not this one._

Tsume's heart nearly stops when he sees the body, the pitiful mass of brown fur held in the old man's dead, unfeeling arms. He reaches for the puppy and shakes him a little, desperate to rouse him but deadly afraid of causing him more pain than he is probably already in, judging from the amount of blood welling up from beneath his thick brown coat.

"Toboe," he gasps. And then louder, more desperately, _"Toboe!"_

He rocks back to sit on his heels, his jaw working helplessly and his eyes wide. He scans Toboe's body for any signs of life, knowing it's pointless but unable to give up the hope, even the slightest glimmer of light in this choking darkness, that Toboe isn't gone.

But he is.

All the fight seems to leave Tsume in a sweeping rush, only to be replaced by a terrible grief. He sinks from his heels to his knees, bowing his head and squeezing his eyes shut in an effort to stop himself from seeing Toboe's tiny body, so helpless, so pathetic, so completely covered in blood.

"Stupid kid," he breathes through gritted teeth. He regrets his word choice instantly; Gehl and Toboe had both been stupid kids, but while Gehl had just been a follower, a puppet, a completely common _dog_, Toboe had been spirited and protective, gentle and wild. Everything a true wolf should be.

_I can't lose him._

Tsume knows at once that he has to get up, he has to move away, he has to be by himself, even if it's only for a few minutes. He's not going to be one of the many mourners crowding around the bodies right now. He stands up and silently moves a few yards away, sitting down with his back almost to Toboe, but not quite. He wants the pup to understand that he's not leaving him just yet, he only needs a minute.

No one speaks for a long time, but Tsume is vaguely aware of what is happening around him. At some point, Kiba takes off running in some direction for reasons only known to him. Cheza strokes Toboe's face with the tenderness that only she possesses, tears running silently down her face, before she gets up and walks away. Hige and Blue come sprinting up from wherever they've been all this time, and Tsume barely registers their cries of shock.

"How did this…happen?" Hige says so quietly it's almost a whisper. Blue falls to her knees beside the old man and begs him not to go. Kiba returns with the young human, who joins Blue in grief for the old man.

"Oh, God no," he chokes, and Tsume in that moment wants to hurt him for being sorry about the old man, who was nothing more than a human, and a human with a desire to kill all wolves as brutally as possible at that. Blue is different; the old man had loved her. But Tsume hates that both of them seem to be ignoring the fact that huddled against the old man's chest is what's left of little Toboe.

Tsume watches out of the corner of his eye as Kiba steps up to the two bodies, crouches, and rests his hand gently on top of Toboe's head.

"Toboe," he murmurs sadly, his voice just audible over the human's sobs. Silence falls for a minute, and then Kiba lifts his head and howls, long and mournful. Tsume joins in immediately, forcing his voice not to waver. Hige and Blue add their voices as well, and even Cheza stands up and sings her soothing, beautiful song.

Tsume can't tell how long this goes on, but when he finds himself sitting on the ground again with his arms wrapped around his knees and hears Kiba's voice saying something about Paradise—_well, _that's_ unusual_—he remembers exactly why they're here, and what exactly Toboe died for.

"There's no time," Kiba says. "We have to go."

Tsume isn't exactly sure what makes him do it, but he takes a stab at Hige.

"So what's your plan, Porky?" he snarls quietly, not turning to face the other wolf. "After coming all this way, what're you gonna do?"

Hige doesn't respond, and Tsume continues: "Where are you gonna run to this time?" He hears Hige's small breath of indignation and turns his head just enough so that he can see the other wolf out of his right eye.

Hige glares at him. "I'm not running," he says. "I just figured you guys didn't need me anymore. I guess…you never did."

Kiba says something to Hige and Hige replies, but Tsume tunes out of the conversation even though he was the one who started it. He doesn't care about who is the so-called most important one in the pack (even though from the perspective of their goal, it's obviously Kiba), or whether or not Blue will be turned away at the gates of Paradise for being only half-wolf (and while ordinarily Tsume would have allowed himself to think that maybe he hopes she'll get in, because she really isn't that bad, he wants her to be turned away now _because Toboe will never see Paradise either_).

A rumbling shakes the ground, and the human gets to his feet. After prying the handgun from the old man's stiff fingers, he says, "Come on. I wanna see how far I can go too."

_I'm not leaving. Not yet._

"Go on ahead," Tsume says, not turning around. If he doesn't have to look anyone in the eyes, it'll be so much easier. "I'll catch up." He swallows a little, then says, "I wanna talk to the runt for a while."

"We understand," says Kiba. And then the sound of their footsteps as they walk away is the only indication that anything is still alive in this world. Even the beat of Tsume's own heart isn't enough to convince him, because if he had his way he'd be lying there with Toboe instead of that worthless old man.

When his heartbeat and the wind are the only things he can hear, he gets up and walks silently around to crouch down beside Toboe's bedraggled body. He doesn't wait for a minute to compose his thoughts and figure out what to say, because if he has anything to say to Toboe he wants it to come naturally, not stiffly, as though he's reciting something.

"Look at you," he says. "I didn't realize how big you've grown. When I first met you, I don't think I'd ever seen such a scrawny little pup."

Toboe has always looked the same to him, the same height, the same petite build. The same light brown hair that fell in waves around his delicate, almost feminine face. The same wide smile that made you want to smile too, because it was just so completely absent of anything even resembling negativity. The same soft amber eyes that were capable of expressing so many things, all of them innocent and pure, free from any form of anger or jealousy or arrogance. It makes Tsume's chest ache to think that such a gentle, _loving _spirit doesn't live inside the body lying next to him anymore.

His gaze shifts from Toboe's blood-soaked body to the old man's arm, and the way it's wrapped around Toboe's back. Against his will, Tsume feels a slight stab of anger. The old man, the wolf-killer, doesn't deserve to be where he is now, doesn't deserve to be holding Toboe's body. But he knows that the old man wouldn't have willingly done it himself. Toboe wanted to be next to him, a human, in his last moments.

Tsume gives a short, breathy laugh. "I knew back then what a sucker you were when it came to humans, but…I guess…I never really understood how much they meant to you until now."

_You chose the human to die next to, _he thinks. _Would you…would you have chosen me, if I'd been here? _

_God, I wish I'd been here for you, Toboe._

"I don't know. Maybe I was jealous," he admits.

And it's true, although he wishes fervently that it hadn't needed to take Toboe's death to make him see it clearly. He can remember the way Toboe had so carefully tended to Kiba's wounds when he'd gotten hurt, the way he'd gone out of his way to find a present for Cheza, the way he had once curled up next to this very old man, who'd been dying in the snow, and kept him warm for hours despite the fact that if the man had had his way, Toboe would be lying on the ground bleeding out his life with a bullet through him.

_Just like you are now._

Tsume clenches his teeth briefly, but forces himself to keep up his gentle tone. Toboe had hated it when people got angry at one another. Tsume is _not _about to dishonor the puppy's memory.

"Are you listening, Toboe?" he murmurs instead. His chest still aches painfully, and that makes him think of his X-shaped scar that stands out in such a way that it cannot be ignored no matter what form he takes. It's a painful reminder, and even more painful now that it brings back a memory.

* * *

_Tsume wakes from a pain-induced stupor to find himself in a cave, with something small and wet lapping at the gash on his thigh. He looks over to see the runt with both hands resting lightly on Tsume's leg and his eyes closed as he licks the wound with gentle strokes. _

_But gentle or not, this has got to stop! Tsume sits bolt upright, taking a vicious swipe at the puppy with his left arm. _

"_Stop that!" he snaps. "Don't _ever _touch me."_

_The kid hangs his head dejectedly, and Tsume clenches his jaw with anger. _

"_What's it doing?" he asks with a pointed look toward the cave's entrance, referring to the mechanical beast that had attacked them._

"_It's not after us. It looks like we gave it the slip," the runt replies, and Tsume lies back down, relieved. That is, until he notices the way the amber eyes are traveling up and down his body. If it was easier to make Tsume uncomfortable, he would've glared at the offender, growled out something harsh, smacked him maybe. But since it's just an immature puppy, he ignores it. _

"_Whoa," said puppy breathes in awe. "You're covered in scars."_

_Tsume presses his lips together, irritated now._

"_That one, there on your chest? Man, it's really cool!"_

_Tsume's heard enough. He rolls onto his side so he faces away from the stupid puppy. He hears a soft sigh from behind him, and then the wind rushing by outside the cave._

"_I wonder what happened to Kiba and Hige," the little voice says after a while. "I bet they're pretty worried about us by now."_

_Tsume lets a few beats of silence go by before he says, "I don't trust anyone. And because of that, no one has to trust me. That way, it keeps things nice and simple."_

_He isn't really sure why he's telling the other wolf these things—he is just a stupid puppy after all—but he supposes it's a bit of a warning, a _last_ warning, that if the runt wants to trust him he's wasting his time, because Tsume will most definitely not be reciprocating. _

"_I don't care," Toboe says, so quickly that Tsume immediately doubts the certainty behind what he's saying. If he'd at least taken the time to think for a minute, well, Tsume still probably wouldn't have outright believed him, but he would have at least considered the possibility that he'd been telling the truth. Such a quick answer…no._

_He definitely isn't expecting the next words._

"_I still like you anyway, Tsume."_

* * *

"You once asked me how I got this scar on my chest, do you remember?"

Tsume shakes off the memory of the bright-eyed little boy, with his sweet voice and honest words. _Damn you, _he thinks, with a spark of how he was back in those days. _You'll never speak to me again._

"This mark," he says instead, "is a reminder of my sin."

He remembers that night, with the terrifying sounds of shots, and the streams of scarlet blood flying through the air, and the limp forms of wolves who would never rise again. He remembers his own panic and his desperation to save himself, even if it meant not saving any of the others.

"I ran. My friends were being slaughtered and I abandoned them. They knew what I'd done, and banished me from the pack. I didn't need any friends. I never trusted them. All I ever did was betray the people around me…until I met the three of you."

Tsume can't, nor will he try to, remember the last time he cried. But from the prickling feeling behind his eyes, the way his throat steadily begins to close, he knows he's close to tears.

He gazes down at Toboe's body. He had been so young. So innocent, despite all the things he'd been through. So beautiful, even soaked in his own blood and with the flesh on his back torn open by that damned bullet. So happy, so gentle, protective and brave. So completely full of life that to see him dead tore the heart that Tsume had begun to doubt he possessed clear in two.

He looks at Toboe's head, resting on the old man's arm. If Tsume doesn't look at his bloody, broken body, if all he looks at is Toboe's head and the expression on his face, one of such peace considering the fact that his last moments were most certainly spent in terrible pain, he can almost pretend that the puppy is merely asleep.

But he's not. He'll never run again, never speak again, never even open those beautiful amber eyes again. And if he can't do that, he'll never see Paradise. And to Tsume, there's no one more deserving of seeing such a place than Toboe.

"I wanted," he says, and even when his voice catches he doesn't make any effort to hide it, "to take you to Paradise. You were the one…who brought me all the way here."

He can hear the pup's voice now:

"_Come on, Tsume! Let's go!"_

"_I believed in you." _

"_I won't whine anymore, and I won't run away."_

"Yeah. I know, kid," Tsume whispers. A single tear slides from his right eye and down his cheek with surprising softness, as if it can tell how much pain he's in. "I know."

As the teardrop falls to the ground, he stands up, and for the first time properly looks at the man whose arm is still resting protectively over Toboe's back.

"Old man, take care of the runt for me," he says, turning to leave. "See ya."

And he walks away without another glance.

* * *

After losing Toboe, Tsume wouldn't have been surprised if he never felt anything again. But then there was Blue, dying as Hige stroked her face. And then there was Hige, blood pouring from his mouth and throat as he calmly asked Tsume to do it with his own fangs.

No, he wouldn't have simply accepted any numbness, any absence of feeling, but he would have readily embraced it. Despite his pride, and the notion that it would be no way to honor his fallen friends if he didn't feel pain for them, he wishes that he could somehow get rid of any sensation that brings them to mind. And for a while at least, pain leaves him, and all he can see is the red haze of battle.

But Darcia's teeth tearing into his side are all too real. As the insane black wolf pulls away and sprints after Kiba and Cheza, Tsume clambers to his feet, only to fall back at the searing sensation in his stomach. For a moment, he simply gapes at the blood pouring from him, startlingly red against the snow.

"Tsume!" Kiba's running back towards him now. "Are you all right?"

"I'm a little tired, that's all," he replies, baring his teeth in a snarl when Kiba doesn't take that for an answer. "Go after him!"

Kiba skids to a halt. "Tsume?"

Tsume turns away from the white wolf, staring down at nothing. "He's dead," he says, answering Kiba's question from earlier. "Hige asked me to put him down."

Kiba exhales in shock, and Tsume leans back against the snowbank behind him, all too ready to give up. There have been too many deaths, too much grief and terror and pain, more pain than any of them should have had to go through. Especially Toboe.

"I don't feel like moving around anymore," he says, by way of explanation. But Kiba still doesn't leave.

"I knew it all along," Tsume says. "Somewhere deep down, I knew. That's why I lived the way I did. When I met you, it was so obvious. I would never be the one to open Paradise."

Realizing that he's beginning to lose control over the things he says, and beginning to wonder even what he really means by them, he summons up some of his old fire and spits, "Just go!" through teeth gritted from pain.

"Hang in there!" Kiba says. _God, will he never give up? _

"He has to be stopped!"

"Grab on," Kiba says. He extends a hand, and his sudden show of how much he really does care about his pack—_at such a goddamn inconvenient time!_—sends Tsume over the edge.

He turns on Kiba, lashing out at the offered hand. _"Get the hell out of here!"_

Kiba straightens up, eyes Tsume calmly. And then he turns and he's off, sprinting back in the direction that Darcia and Cheza went.

Tsume watches him go, reluctant to move any part of his body. The gash in his stomach is bleeding like mad, and he can feel his once-formidable strength draining away like his blood, as if with every beat of his heart.

"Let's meet again," he says to Kiba, just so the white wolf knows that he's important too, that Tsume hadn't really meant to be so harsh with him, "next time, in Paradise."

He falls forward and comes to rest in a pool of snow and blood, watching the stars above him begin to fade and wondering whether any of the others could see them too. Blue died as Hige stroked her face, he remembers, surely she was happy. And Hige died next to the girl he loved, a quick death thanks to Tsume. Surely he didn't suffer for long either.

But Toboe… Tsume can remember the puddles of blood that stretched for a good distance across the snow. The pup had tried to keep moving with those horrible wounds. And since there was no way that a scrawny thing like Toboe could've managed to stay upright and take the force of a bullet, he would've had to get up off the ground to keep walking.

_You sure were made of tougher stuff than I ever gave you credit for, _Tsume thinks.

But at the same time, he can't help cursing the pup's courage. If Toboe had had the sense to stay down and not try to walk, there was a chance he could've lived. There was a chance, if he'd gotten the right treatment sooner, he could've lived to smile and laugh and pester Tsume for a while longer.

_Stupid kid. _

He can almost hear him now, laughing like he used to whenever something pleased him, which was fairly often.

_What is there to laugh about now? _Tsume snarls silently. _Everyone's dead…_

The three humans, Blue, Hige, and surely Kiba and Cheza before too long.

Yet Toboe continues to laugh.

_What is there to laugh about? Everyone's dead. You're dead too, dammit! Stop laughing!_

"_Look at the stars tonight, Tsume! You know, Granny used to tell me stories about them. She thought that everyone's soul was connected to a star, no matter if you were a wolf or a human or a dog or even a cat! I hope my star isn't next to a cat's. I…I hope I'm with Kiba and Hige. And Blue and Pops and Cheza! Oh, and you, of course, Tsume. I think I'll be next to you. Do you want that too? Maybe if we both wish for it, it'll happen. Do you want to try?"_

With effort, Tsume manages to open his right eye, but he can't quite make out the sky anymore.

_No, I can't, runt. I can't see the stars._

_Toboe?_

_God, I'm a mess. I'm a traitor, a sinner, a murderer. I don't have anything to live for anymore. Everyone I care about is dead, or will be soon. What am I still doing here?_

Tsume's eye falls closed. He can't feel the pain in his side anymore, which he is thankful for, but his chest barely moves at this point; he thinks he's forgotten how exactly to draw air into his lungs. He can't do anything but lie where he is and wait for death.

"_Be patient, Tsume. You're almost there."_

Tsume wants to cry at the idea of seeing the owner of that voice again.

_Toboe…does it hurt?_

"_No. But you're so much braver than me. You'll be fine."_

_I'm not, Toboe. I'm not…_

"_Yes you are. Now come on. I'm waiting for you."_

Fragmented pieces of memory pulse gently in Tsume's mind, memories of Toboe. He can remember the cheerful smile, the amber eyes, the childish, sweet voice. The pathetic yet somehow endearing cowardice at first, and the extreme, fiery bravery that he would come to possess later. The way he always tried to stop a fight before it happened. The way you could knock him down with a blow across the face and yet be powerless to keep him from getting back up. The way he always said, "I was getting ready to, all right?" even though it was obvious he hadn't been.

There had been so many things worth remembering. But most of all he remembers Toboe's ability to love, a trait that he, Tsume, had never considered himself capable of possessing.

Not until now.

_I'm coming, Toboe…_


End file.
